I was just reading a blog about women focusing on their strengths and good points rather than being down on themselves. I won't refer to it by name because I'm just using it as an example of the myriad books, blogs, etc. which are written for the purpose of reassuring women that they are not failures and their lives don't have to suck. Why women in particular are so down on themselves I'm not sure, but apparently we are and so this sort of self-helpy thing sounds positive on the surface. But then you read the bio for the authoress of said book, blog, etc.:
Super Successful Sexy Lady is a bilingual attorney who has survived cancer, traveled to Africa to do charity work, and now somehow makes $250,000 a year while providing free legal services to the poor, running marathons, maintaining an organic farm, raising three genius children, and enjoying her perfect marriage to her husband of 20 years who also makes a quarter of a million dollars a year. Oh, and she also has time to write this book, blog, etc. while traveling between her three homes in New York City, Connecticut, and the Bahamas.
But none of these things are necessary in order to be a happy, healthy and good person, she claims. All women can find the satisfaction/success/happiness/self-confidence/inner peace/strength she has.
Which is, of course, why you also see so many books, blogs, etc. on happiness and/or self-confidence and/or blending a successful career with perfect motherhood which are written by single moms with no college education who are living below the poverty line. Right?
I call Bullshit.
The very women who represent the pinnacle of overachieving womanhood are the ones writing the books, blogs, etc. which tell us to stop expecting ourselves to become overachieving women. These women reassure you that no matter what you do, as long as you are trying to be a good mom, you are one, which is potentially bullshit to begin with, but on top of that, they assume that every adult woman is a mother as well. What about those of us still struggling with our decisions not to have children or inabilities to have them? They also often assume that you are working on, have achieved, or gave up a professional career, but what about those of us who got fired? Were laid off because of the economy? Have only worked minimum wage or "unskilled" jobs? Are on disability or otherwise can't work?
Similarly, the kind of people who push you to think positive 24/7 are the kind of people who haven't struggled with chronic and serious depression or other mental illnesses and/or are not prone to philosophical crises and bouts of existential angst. They usually come by their upbeat and cheerful personalities naturally. And if you're reading advice from someone who was once in their own mental abyss and managed to find their way out, they now assume that their method or experience will serve as a guide for everyone else. I really do hate it when someone says: If I could do it, so can you.
This too is Bullshit.
No two people on this entire planet are exactly the same. That doesn't stop us from comparing ourselves to one another and wanting what other people have. It does, however, make it very hard for any given person to give any other person useful advice. The best people to turn to are those you already have something in common with. My friends and family know me, and I know them. We come from the same backgrounds or have shared the same experiences or have some common interests or have compatible personalities already. So when we turn to one another for guidance, support, reassurance, and advice there are already certain connections between us that make what we say and do at least more palatable and probably more appropriate to our personal situations.
I'm not saying that all self-help books or positive thinking blogs are worthless. I'm just saying that when someone who represents everything I always thought I should be tells me to be happy with who I am or when someone who has the life I want tells me to be happy what I have, my gut reaction is to want to punch them in the face.
